Question: Is it necessary to marry only an individual who has been accustomed to observing Torah and Mitzvot from birth?
Answer: Our Sages teach us in the Gemara (Pesachim 49b): “One should sell whatever one owns in order to marry the daughter of a Torah scholar or to marry one’s daughter off to a Torah scholar.” The Gemara continues that such a marriage is compared to two grape vines intertwining with one another which will produce a good and blessed product. However, one should not marry the daughter of an ignoramus (i.e. the daughter of a man who is not adequately Torah and Mitzvah observant), for this is comparable to a grape vine intertwining with the branches of a thorn bush which will produce an unpleasant and unsuitable product.
The Rishonim explain that the reason why one is forbidden to marry the daughter of an ignoramus is because such women are not properly educated in Mitzvah performance and their hearts are blocked to understanding the idea of Mitzvot (for their belief is quite undermined); one should therefore not marry such a woman. Certainly, a woman should not marry a man who mocks Torah observance, for such man’s belief is very weak and he will build a household in his footsteps.
Nevertheless, the luminaries of our generation tell us that nowadays when young women are educated in Torah education systems and there are even some Ba’alot Teshuva (female version of Ba’al Teshuva-see above) who reside in the seminary’s dormitories, such women no longer fall into the category of “daughters of ignoramuses” mentioned by the Gemara, for they are as meticulous regarding Mitzvah observance as daughters of Torah scholars and they are laden with fear of Heaven; there is therefore no prohibition to marry such women. The same applies to young men who are Ba’alei Teshuva and have accepted the yoke of Heaven upon themselves; they are then considered not to be flawed and the edict of our Sages surely does not apply to such young men.
On the contrary, experience shows that such women who become spiritually strengthened and uplifted on their own build stronger and more impressive homes than daughters of Torah scholars. This is indeed the opinion of Maran Harav Ovadia Yosef Shlit”a as well. Nevertheless, if the woman is still connected to her parents’ home in such a way that whenever she is there, this causes her to regress in a spiritual sense, one should stay away from such a marriage proposal or cause her to gently distance herself from her parents’ home. In any case, one should seek the guidance of an intelligent and G-d-fearing individual who will advise one how to proceed in such situations.
In addition to the aforementioned Gemara, our Sages teach us in Masechet Kallah (Chapter 1) that if one’s parents were not adequately Mitzvah observant and one was not born amid sanctity (meaning that one’s parents did not observe the laws of family purity), this causes one to be greatly flawed. Our Sages mention this idea in several places, among them in the holy Zohar, that one who was born from parents who were not Mitzvah observant is considered blemished. It seems therefore that one should abstain from marrying such an individual.
Nonetheless, even regarding this issue, the luminaries of our generation have ruled that since Ba’alei Teshuva constantly delve in Torah study, even if they were to possess whatever flaw, this blemish becomes purified through study of the holy Torah. Indeed, Maran Harav Ovadia Yosef Shlit”a rules that nowadays, such children are purified through repentance and Torah study, as the verse in Mishlei states regarding the Torah, “It shall be healing for your body and refreshment for your bones.” This is because Torah is compared to fire and it indeed purifies like fire. Our Sages teach us (Berachot 34b) that even the completely righteous cannot stand on the level of Ba’alei Teshuva. (This matter is discussed at length in the Sefer Abir Ha’Ro’im-Volume 1.)
