By Popular Demand: May one get married during the “Three Weeks”?
Answer: Some customarily do not hold any weddings from the Seventeenth of Tammuz until the Ninth of Av, which is referred to as the “Three Weeks,” as we have already explained. This was indeed the custom in Ashkenazi countries.
The Sephardic custom in the holy city of Jerusalem, however, is to allow weddings to be held during this period, until the day of Rosh Chodesh Av. Nevertheless, beginning from Rosh Chodesh Av, although according to the letter of the law one who has not yet performed the Mitzvah of bearing children may indeed be lenient and get married, the custom is not to hold weddings at this time, for it is ominous to celebrate and be joyful at a time when the rest of the Jewish people are steeped in deep mourning.
When Maran Harav Shlit”a was appointed as the Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv in the year 5729(1969), the prevalent custom in all Israeli cities, based on the greatest Ashkenazi rabbis, was not to not register a couple for marriage if they intended to get married during the “Three Weeks.” When Hagaon Harav Yaakov Moshe Toledano was appointed as Chief Rabbi of Tel Aviv, he tried to nullify this edict of not registering couples for marriage during these days, however, he was unable to oppose the ruling of the Chief Ashkenazi Rabbi of Israel, Hagaon Harav Isser Yehuda Unterman; indeed, in all Israeli cities, the public halachic rulings of all Sephardic rabbis were overshadowed by those of the Ashkenazi rabbis who were more respected than them. This changed when Maran Harav Shlit”a ascended to greatness. He announced unequivocally that he was not appointed just as a “commemoration” of the Sephardic customs and he firmly insisted that the edict of the Chief Rabbinate be changed and that any Sephardic couple wishing to be married during the “Three Weeks” should be duly registered, as per Torah law. Thankfully, he was successful in abolishing the edict which existed then and was against Halacha. Even then, there were several Sephardic rabbis who opposed Maran Shlit”a because of such reasons as “national unity” among others and demanded that the Sephardim be bound by Ashkenazi customs. Maran Harav Shlit”a refused to accept their advice, for this is indeed the way of the Torah that every Jewish community abide by their own customs and one community must not be forced to take upon the customs of another. Indeed, anyone who deviates from the Sephardic custom followed in Jerusalem is actually causing more harm than good, forcancelling or postponing weddings causes great harm to the world.
It is important to point out that if not for Maran Shlit”a standing up vehemently to protect our customs and traditions, not only would this custom have been completely forgotten and nullified, but the same would have been the case with all of the customs and rulings of the Sephardim who are bound by the rulings of Maran Ha’Shulchan Aruch. If not for Maran Shlit”a waging a relentless war of Torah and restoring Sephardic Jewry to their previous glory by having them rule on Halacha in accordance with their own customs, both stringent or lenient, surely the Halachot and customs of Sephardic Jewry, including Iraqis, Moroccans, Yemenites, and all other Sephardic communities, would have long since been forgotten. Due to Maran’s tremendous influence, the Ashkenazi rabbis’ stature was equated to their Sephardic counterparts, for until that point, the Ashkenazi rabbi was referred to by the title, “Head of the Rabbis of Israel,” while the Sephardic Rabbi was referred to as the “Chief Rabbi of Israel”; however, from the time Maran Shlit”a ascended to greatness and became the “Rishon Le’Tzion” and Chief Rabbi of Israel, no one dared refer to the Sephardic rabbi by a title that was lower than his Ashkenazi counterpart.
Additionally, once Maran Harav Shlit”a’s rulings were publicized, all Ashkenazi rabbis became aware that if a Sephardic individual inquired about any given Halacha, they must make certain to clarify the law well so that they may rule for him in accordance with the Sephardic custom. Before this point, however, they would simply rule for the person, whether stringently or leniently, based on the customs and rulings of the Ashkenazim; many great people have attested to this historical fact.
Although the custom is to abstain from holding weddings from the day following Rosh Chodesh Av (which Ashkenazim customarily abstain from during the entire “Three Week” period), nevertheless, if one divorced his wife and, with the help of the intervention of a third party, the couple decides to remarry, this wedding may be held even after Rosh Chodesh Av, for it is not a source of great happiness. On the contrary, sometimes postponing such a wedding can cause whatever peace was restored to be lost and the entir
e remarriage proposal may thus be broken.
