Halacha Date: 25 Nissan 5783 April 16 2023
Our Sages taught (in several places in the Talmud, Zohar, and Midrashim), “Honor your wives so that you may be wealthy.” This means that in the merit of honoring one’s wife and buying them whatever they need generously, one will be wealthy.
It seems though that the above only applies if the wife is righteous and exhibits stellar character traits, in which case, it is proper to purchase all of one’s wife’s needs and even beyond. However, if the wife is not so righteous, it seems that this would not apply. Nevertheless, our Sages (Baba Metzia 59a) seem to say otherwise: “Rava told the people of Mechoza, ‘Honor your wives so that you may become wealthy.’” The Talmud in various places describes the women of Mechoza as not the most righteous; on the contrary, Rava himself (Shabbat 33a) exclaimed the following verse regarding the women of this city: “Hear this word, you cows of Bashan, on the hill of Samaria- Who rob the poor and defraud the needy; Who say to your husbands ‘Bring and let’s drink!” In spite of this though, Rava instructed their husbands to honor them.
Rabbeinu Yosef Haim explains in his Ben Yehoyada that much of the Heavenly bounty directed into one’s home is in the wife’s merit. Therefore, if one honors one’s wife, one will merit much abundance, measure for measure.
We can add the words of a related Gemara (Chullin 84a): “One should always eat and drink less than one has, dress with the amount one has, and honor one’s wife and children with more than one has, for they are dependent on him and he is dependent on the Almighty.” This means that one should not be so accustomed to fancy foods and beverages, lest one fall on hard times and then not having these foods will be difficult for one. One should likewise only purchase clothing based on one’s means and such expensive garments. However, regarding one’s wife and children, it is a Mitzvah to spend more than one has on them.
We must try to analyze this point, for the logic the Sages provide for this seems difficult to understand. Our Sages explained that the reason one should live one’s own life frugally while spending beyond one’s means for one’s wife and children is “because they are dependent on him and he is dependent on the Almighty.” This seems quite difficult, for, by manner of illustration, if the son of a wealthy man and the son of a pauper both have one thousand dollars, shall we tell the poor man’s son to spend the money as he wishes because his father is poor while we tell the rich man’s son to save up his money because his father is rich?! This makes absolutely no sense and exactly the opposite is true! We should tell the wealthy boy to spend as much as he wants, for his father can always replenish his supply, while the poor boy should spend carefully since his father does not have that luxury! If so, why do our Sages instruct the head of the household to spend sparingly when it comes to himself, for he is reliant on Hashem, while instructing him to spend generously on the rest of his family, for they are reliant on him? The opposite seems to make more sense in that, one who is fully dependent on Hashem should spend generously, for the Almighty can always reimburse him, while those who depend on mere flesh and blood should be supported frugally!
We must explain that regarding one’s own needs, one should spend sparingly, lest one not have enough merits or one lose one’s livelihood at a later point in time. Regarding the rest of one’s household who rely on him though, if he supports them generously, Heaven will certainly treat the head of the household generously as well, for Hashem acts measure for measure (see Mishnah Sotah, Chapter 1). Indeed, our Sages taught (151a), “One who shows mercy to Hashem’s creations will merit Heavenly mercy as well.” One can therefore be sure that if one spends generously (within the realm of normalcy, obviously) on one’s family, Hashem will send one bountiful sustenance, in turn.
This is especially the case when one spends generously on one’s wife, for the Ben Yehoyada explains that the numerical value of “Wife” (“Isha”) is the same as “Blessed Bread” (“Lechem Beracha”) and the blessing of the home comes in the wife’s merit. This is why the Sages taught that when one honors one’s wife, one merits wealth!
We remember well how much Maran zt”l honored his wife, Rabbanit Margalit. Indeed, he once went to a jewelry store in his glory days to buy his wife a special gift. He made every effort to gladden her and do what she asked for, for he understood that everything he had achieved was in her merit. He would often repeat the words of Rabbi Akiva about his wife Rachel: “Mine and yours belongs to her!”
