Halacha Date: 25 Tishrei 5785 October 27 2024
Honor Your Father and Your Mother
The Baraita (Kiddushin 30b) states: “One verse states, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ while another verse states, ‘Honor Hashem with your wealth.’ We see that that the Torah equates honoring one’s parents to honoring Hashem. One verse states, ‘Each man shall revere his mother and father,’ while another verse states, ‘You shall fear Hashem, your G-d.’ we see that the Torah equates revering one’s parents to revering Hashem.”
The Baraita further states that there are three partners in the formation of man: Hashem, one’s father, and one’s mother. The parents provide the physical body while Hashem infuses it with a soul. Furthermore, our Sages taught that when honors one’s parents, Hashem says, “I consider it as though I have dwelled among you, and you have honored Me.”
Honor of One’s Father vs. Honor of One’s Mother
The Baraita states: “Rabbi (Yehuda Ha’Nassi) said: It is revealed before the Master of the Universe that one honors one’s mother more than one’s father. It is for this reason that the Torah preempted the honor of one’s father before the honor of one’s mother. It is also revealed before the Master of the Universe that one reveres one’s father more than one’s mother. It is for this reason that the Torah preempted the reverence of one’s mother before one’s father.
The Extent to Which One Must Honor One’s Parents
The Sages asked Rabbi Eliezer how far one must go to honor one’s parents. He told them, “Go see how a gentile from Ashkelon named Dama ben Netina honored his father. Once, the Sages required a stone for the priestly apron whose value was six-hundred thousand gold coins and the key to the safe rested under the head of Dama’s sleeping father. In order not to inconvenience his father, Dama did not wake him. The next year, Hashem repaid Dama with a Red Heifer born in his flock which the Sages purchased from him for the same amount they originally wished to purchase the stone which he had forgone because of his father’s honor.”
The Gemara proceeds to recount that once, Dama ben Netina was dressed in golden robes designated for Roman nobility and his mother showed up, tore the garment, hit him on the head, and spat in his face and yet, Dama did not shame her.
The Gemara (ibid 31b) proceeds to quote an incident regarding Rabbi Tarfon’s mother that every time she needed to get in and out of her bed (which was quite high), Rabbi Tarfon would get down on all fours so that his mother could use his back a step-stool. The Gemara quotes several other incidents which teach us the extent to which one must honor one’s parents. Maran Ha’Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah, Chapter 240) introduces this topic, as follows: “One must be exceedingly careful with honoring and revering one’s parents.” This Mitzvah is extremely precious, and one can easily falter in it, and one must therefore take utmost care to observe this Mitzvah properly. Throughout the coming days, we shall, G-d-willing, discuss the primary laws of this Mitzvah based on what we have discussed in the past with some new insights as well.
